“Mixed Emotions” is one of the most meaningful — and unexpectedly humorous — paintings from my early life. Anyone who has ever lived with me would immediately smile at this piece: my parents, my brother, a couple of my besties like Solmaz and Azalia, and of course my husband, Pedram.
All of them know this painting as “The Donkey Painting.”
The nickname had two layers.
Yes, there is a donkey in the painting…
but it also became a playful way of saying, “this painting doesn’t deserve a wall.”
And truly, for most of its life, it didn’t get one.
This painting traveled through cities and even across continents with me, yet it was always tucked away under a bed, behind furniture, or turned toward the wall in an attic. It followed me everywhere, but it never had a place to shine.
What makes this piece even more special is how it began. I painted it with my dear friend Yalda, who was teaching us to paint at the time, and another bestie, Neda, who was right beside me working on the exact same composition. She still has her own version of this painting today.
It is also the only oil painting I have ever created. I painted it in 2002, right after finishing high school, during that beautiful in-between season when I was waiting to move to Canada. When I think back to that year, I remember how simple and joyful it felt — helping my lovely aunt at her newly opened pharmacy, going to French and English classes, taking painting lessons, and just enjoying life.
I originally painted Mixed Emotions for someone who, looking back, was very lost in his own journey. The painting never made it to him — he cheated on me — and I’m grateful it stayed in my hands. It was always meant to be mine.
Today, as I was going through my old paintings to upload them to my website, I came across this piece again. And for the first time in years, I really looked at it.
And I thought: I didn’t do a bad job.
For my first-ever oil painting, the colours, the blending, the detail — it’s actually a well-done piece. Yes, it’s old-fashioned and very different from what I paint today, but it has sweetness and honesty. It carries a whole chapter of my life inside it.
And more importantly:
it deserves a wall.
It always did.